Two lines means…

I remember the very first time that I questioned myself if I am indeed pregnant, but after a minute or two I’ll ditch the idea. I know there’s something wrong in my system but I couldn’t figure it out. My menstruation was 1 week delayed, which I thought was just normal since I always experience delays especially when I was still in my teenage years.

 

It was very peculiar that I decided to go to church that day, and get a test kit prior going home. While walking through the mall (since my unit is at the back of a mall so I will have to pass by there just to get to the transport terminal), I saw like 10 or more family holding a baby, if you happen to know me personally, I’m that type of person who believes in signs so I got anxious again. I kept on thinking what if I am indeed pregnant, how am I going to say it to my family? and worst to the baby daddy. I felt mixed emotions passing by the mall and seeing those families, but then again I ditched the idea.

 

I solemnly prayed that if whatever the result would be, His will be done. After praying, I went straight to the nearest (more like few meters away from the church) drug store to buy test kit and a yogurt drink. Funny thing was I forgot the yogurt drink, so the guard called me back to get it (forgetfull!) then I waited for a jeep going home.

 

Upon reaching my unit, I decided to have it tested. I couldn’t wait until tomorrow, and besides whatever the result now won’t be different tomorrow so I proceed. It was the longest 1 minute of my life, really! That’s how eager I am to know if I am indeed carrying a little bundle of joy inside me…and here it is!

 

IMG_1765

Two lines… Uhh… Okay, two lines.  So what does that mean?

 

Call me stupid or something but seriously, those were the first sentence I uttered upon seeing those two lines. After like few seconds, there, I started crying. I don’t know why I cried after seeing the result. It’s not that I’m scared or what but I felt like I am indeed female (my friends will serve as a witness how I tag myself as a male, well even my daughter’s father). After awhile, I caught myself staring at it and here comes my mind again…

 

Is this accurate? Or probably this thing is broken since I bought it cheap. Oh well, I still have another one. I’ll just try it tomorrow if it’s still the same result then…okay.

 

Ditching the idea again, that’s how I am. I just continue watching movies, then went to bed.

 

The next day, I woke up extra early since my baby’s daddy is going to visit me in the morning so I have to prepare something, and I am currently craving for a cake. It was just 5am, and I just waited until I need to hit the bathroom just to test again. After an hour here goes the call of nature so I brought the test kit with me. A minute have passed, and the result is still the same. If yesterday I breakdown, this time, I was just smiling while holding it.

 

Ha! Okay I’m pregnant, I need to buy a cake now, I’m hungry.

 

While heading to my favorite bakeshop, I was thinking how am I going to tell my baby’s daddy that we’re going to be parents soon — I really don’t have an idea how to break the news. I have then decided not to tell him yet until I am 100% sure that I am indeed pregnant, so I just let the day passed on and we just enjoyed it by eating ice cream, cake and spaghetti.

 

The very next day, I felt something weird. Whenever I see the Parmesan cheese bottle, I get dizzy that I just wanted to throw up. I told him about it and he said that…

 

“Bakit parang ngayon ka lang naglilihi?”  (Why is it that you’re showing signs of pregnancy just now?)

 

Not everyone knows, I suffered from blighted ovum last May 2014. All the signs of pregnancy from nausea and vomiting, missed period, etc were present, but it didn’t develop into an embryo. I just knew about it last September 2014, then by  October 2014, I got pregnant with my daughter thus he told me that.

 

As much as I wanted to tell him that I’m pregnant, I wanted to be sure this time that there’s already a heartbeat and the baby is already formed. Instead of saying so, I told him probably I’m just stressed out, then he told me to go to the doctor for check up which I refused.

 

The very next day, I woke up very early not because I have to, but because I suddenly felt that I need to throw up. I rushed to the bathroom, and did it. I told him about it and he insisted that I should go to the doctor immediately, but then again I resisted. I just thought that I was just stressed and that it affected my entire system, but it’s really weird.

 

After like few weeks, he discovered that I am indeed pregnant because someone broke the news. He asked me if it’s then that’s how he learned about it.